So…

Me:

So, I’ve decided that if my life is a total failure by age forty I’m gonna get two poodles. Then I’m gonna dye said poodles (one purple, one brown), and call them Peanut Butter and Jelly. And I’m gonna walk them on obnoxious leashes while wearing a huge velvet cape.

Jason:

What about if we get married?

Me:

Well, if we get married then my life won’t be a total failure.

Jason:

Oh, okay. (pause) Can we still get the poodles, though?

Me:

Duh.

Sports car blasts by us playing “It’s Peanut-Butter Jelly Time!”

Both:

Did…that…REALLY…just happen?!